That other instance of an imagination run wild

[Note: The names in this post are fictional, made up by The Random Name Generator to replace the names of the real people involved, for reasons which should soon become obvious.]

So, last week I received a package from Amazon.com. It had my last name misspelled, which immediately ruled out that it was a package ordered by my wife or I on my Amazon account. It could have been a lazy friend, but my thought was “it’s my Secret Santa!” Yes, I have one – the from where isn’t important, but I do, and I was eagerly anticipating the arrival of his/her gift for me as I had just purchased the gift for my own Sant-ee (?) the night before.Anyway, I was convinced, that was the source of the package for Scott Cooperman, and so I tucked it into the corner of my office until I could put it under the tree.

Two days went by, and I began to wonder if I really had to wait until Christmas to open it. Some of the other Secret Santa participants had opened their gifts and thanked their anonymous Santas…. so maybe it would be a social faux pas to wait until Christmas (this was the rationalization that ultimately won me over)… I ripped the package open and found… books.

Okay, books are good… but, something wasn’t right… the specific guidelines of the Secret Santa thing were that it was a DVD exchange. We each sent Santa a wish-list of DVD’s, and what’s more there were two books. Hmmm.

I studied the Amazon.com invoice and saw that there was a message inside for [Harry Sandstrom] of Bancroft, Michigan: “Happy Birthday Sweetie!!! Love you, Gumba” and “Happy 16th, Love you, Gumba”.

I know no Gumba, it’s not my birthday, I’m not 16, I don’t live in Michigan, and I ain’t [Harry Sandstrom]. So… something had clearly gone awry with the Amazon order. There was a billing name and address from Harlingen, Texas – which I assume was the true identity of “Gumba.” (By the way, the “Gumba” part is real… I think it’s a loving term for a grandmother, but who knows.)

What to do? Of course, being selfish, the first thing I did was contact the Secret Santa set-up crew. All right, it’s not entirely out of selfishness.

  1. There was no phone number for Amazon or the buyer of the books on the invoice.
  2. My assumption at this point was that the buyer/”Bill to” person was my Secret Santa, and I didn’t want to ruin the surprise by saying “I know it’s you.” However, they needed to know there was a mix-up because it was at least two orders that were mixed up (the one intended for me that produced the mailing label and the one intended for [Harry Sandstrom]. I assume that only the person who paid would be able to get information from Amazon.
  3. … well, yeah, I wanted to be sure I got my gift.

After some message board posting and emailing back and forth with the Santa coordinator, we’ll call her [Constance Cordell], word came back – doesn’t look like the “Bill to” person is my Santa… must be a switching of orders rather than one person’s multiple orders being sent to the wrong destinations.

Now, I’m a pretty clever person. I was able to find a number for both Amazon and the “Bill to” person (we’ll call her [Lucille Shanklin]). I opted NOT to call Amazon, because I would expect they’d simply want me to return the package to them. I have no idea if they’d refund [Lucille]’s money or even attempt to find the source of the problem. Better, I thought, to contact [Lucille Shanklin] and let her contact Amazon so she can get a full refund – and I’ll just send the package along to [Harry Sandstrom], maybe even with some extra gifts inside. Who knows?

I’ve been attempting to call [Lucille] for four days now. The phone rings and rings, but no one ever answers. No answering machine, no live person on the line… it just rings. 4 PM Sunday, 10 AM Sunday, 7 PM Saturday, 3 PM Saturday, 9 AM Saturday, 8 PM Friday, 2:30 PM Friday, 8 AM Friday, 7:30 PM Thursday, 2 PM Thursday, 12 Noon Thursday… no answer.

Here’s where my imagination has been running wild. I’ve pictured all types of scenarios:

  • [Lucille Shanklin] (who I know to be over 60) doesn’t answer the phone from people she doesn’t know. She’s screening my calls and is actually becoming alarmed that the same unfamiliar number keeps calling. I would not be surprised at all to receive a call from her son asking who I am and why I keep calling.
  • [Lucille Shanklin] is a fake person. The billing information that was provided to Amazon is stolen or ficticious. (Unlikely, I know.)
  • [Lucille] is badly injured or in some other way incapacitated, and no one has realized it yet.
  • [Lucille] has already died, and for obvious reasons no one has told me yet.
  • [Lucille] is already on her way to Michigan. She has already been very disappointed that the gift she ordered for [Harry] did nor arrive and she has already taken the matter up with Amazon.

and then there’s the other part of it all…

I’ve assumed that the order that produced the mailing label on the package was from my Secret Santa. Maybe it’s from someone else… a long lost friend, a relative from my wife’s side of the family who just doesnt’ “get” our last name, an order I forgot I placed, who knows.

I’m sure Occam’s Razor appplies here (“the simplest explanation is usually the correct one”) but it’s funny to realize how much my imagination runs away from me when I let it happen.

For those who worry, [Harry] will get his gifts. I’ll be mailing them anonymously later this week, with an extra gift from Santa thrown in.

Contributed by: Scott Copperman (Guest Author)

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